Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
