____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
zippers are such a cool invention
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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