So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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