Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
