break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
