So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
