My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
