I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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