sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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