I only kidnapped one of them. chill
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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