Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
