oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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