Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
