I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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