Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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