guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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