Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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