So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
