i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
