he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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