I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
