My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I haven't been this sober since birth.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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