my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
