Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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