It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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