Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
