The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This is not my ceiling
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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