someone threw a dead crab at me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
COCAINE IS GR8
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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