How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
