After last night, I could never be a politician.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
