I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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