I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
