You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
