she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
