You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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