I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
