i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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