I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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