well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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