I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
