then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
