I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize