Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
