So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
