One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
