Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
