I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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