youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
