Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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