I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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