Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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