So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
