if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
