I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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