I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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