I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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