This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
