You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
