Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
