So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
