I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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