I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
