It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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