they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
