Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we made out on top of his cat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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