i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
