Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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