respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
