I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
