there's paper in my vomit.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
