people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
